My technical meanderings and other nonsense. Published since 2002. No, really. I'm *that* internet-old. I remember the days of I’ve been pruning my social network connections lately by “unfriending” people I don’t communicate with.
From my perspective, there’s only two possible reasons why a social network “friend” fails to connect with me, after I’ve attempted to connect with them:
- They’re not reading and participating in what other people are doing/saying.
- They are participating with others but just don’t find anything I do or say interesting.
Both reasons constitute breaking the connection, so why aren’t more people doing it?? I’ll be glad to make the first move by disconnecting with the person. It will save us both the social baggage.
Social networks are not about quantity, but rather quality. It’s easy (and addicting!) to watch your “friend counter” go up, one by one, but that’s just ego-driven mania.
I use social networks to be more social. If I’m not connecting with certain people, or the service no longer inspires, influences, and keeps me involved with others – it’s worthless.
I mean how hard is it to “Like” or comment on a post every once in a while? It’s dead simple, and if people just want to sit back and collect “friends,” that’s not participating. Just because we went to high school together, or I met you one day on the street, that doesn’t mean we have to be forever linked on the latest fad in cyberspace.
Yes, there will be something new and better in the future, where we’ll re-friend all over again. So don’t think that Facebook or Twitter is the end of your social address book by retaining everyone possible.
If you’re truly friends with someone, they’ll find you again. A true friendship goes beyond the latest internet craze.
Very good points. I unfriended somebody and she wrote me this plaintive little email back, “Did you remove me from your friends list? Why?” I felt terrible, so I put her back on even though she insists on Farming, Jewelling, Flowering, Aquariuming etc. etc. etc.
Facebook should make the default that you DON’T want to see that junk and that you would have to opt in to see it. Possibly this is the case on another plane of existence, because it sure will never happen here!
One cannot read constantly what all his or her friends are doing/saying, it’s impossible. That’s why they have circles in Google+, you can put your best friends in one and the others in another, if you remove someone it would be harder to find them again as more and more people use social networks, there are many people with same names, and even you can forget the full name (some foreign friend with complicated spelling). And what’s the problem with more contacts- they take space on your screen? I don’t add random people on social networks, those that I’ve added I know from somewhere, it’s ok they to stay.
Hi Matt
Thanks for initiating this.
I must comment on your “About” statement, which includes the following:
“I love stretching and walking. I like sports and staying active. I’m reserved but personable once you get to know me.”
These sentiments are an exact match for the profile text of two Tonkinese cats in my household (well, they haven’t quite started their blog yet, but I think Milo’s sock fetching routine would attract some attention on YouTube, and Mino’s lesson on how to turn on water taps could be of interest to similar users).
Anyway, I started to write a comment to your post, but it was getting a bit long, so I posted it in my blog instead (http://goo.gl/0pFsx), linking back to here.
Thanks.
Mark
Thanks for this post, Matt, which I found through Mark’s reply. I keep my Twitter and FB contact list pretty small so I am able to ‘keep up’ more with what my contacts are saying. I read all of my FB friends’ posts and like or reply to the majority of them because the volume is manageable. By contrast, there are others with hundreds of contacts who don’t make time for my little droplets in their waterfalls, if they see them at all.
I have been pondering the same questions as you have about why this is the case and whether I should remain in contact with them. Your thoughts have helped me clarify my stance. Cheers! :)
Much like the hedges every spring, my friends list gets pruned about once per year. I think it’s healthy. I sometimes even give a ‘warning’ status update like ‘Who will make the cut?’ I have a few guidelines to help in the pruning (which I refer to as purging). If you don’t meet these criteria, you’re at risk of pruning:
- You live in my city, but we haven’t seen each other, in person, in this past year.
- The only time we’ve communicated is a ‘happy birthday’ post (real friends post when it’s not your birthday).
- I wasn’t even your friend in high school.
- If you don’t ‘fit’ me anymore (like clothes).
La verdad es que hasta ahora no me ha tocado hacer poda de mis conexiones. Puede ser que se deba a que llevo poco tiempo en esto; pero creo que al igual que en la vida cotidiana, las personas van y vienen. A algunos los veo todos los días, a otros los veo de vez en cuando y a otros los he dejado de ver; pero nunca les he cerrado la puerta a un nuevo encuentro.
Me gusta escribir y compartir; no siempre recibo feedback inmediato; pero no significa que no me estén leyendo. Tal vez el mensaje no le llegue cuando lo emití, pero puede que le llegue en otro momento y le sirva. Yo misma trato de leer lo que ellos escriben; pero no siempre es posible darles feedback o a veces no me interesa y no lo sigo. Si me agrediera con lo que dice o estuviera muy en desacuerdo con lo que plantea, puede que llegara a tomar la medida de “podarlo”; sin embargo, en general prefiero observarlo y, a veces, con miradas distintas uno amplía su propio espectro de pensamientos.